A friend suggested I write about the topic of bullying at work. I told her I agreed it would make an excellent topic, and then proceeded to put it aside as one of many topics I could discuss at a later date. I know it goes on, but as a strong woman, I just couldn’t relate to it. Very rarely have I been bullied or seen it in the work place.
Recently I started working with a new client. She is smart, beautiful, strong, very intelligent, and to my surprise is facing bullying at work! OK, hint taken. The Universe rarely repeats itself unless it wants you to take action. So ladies, if you’re inept about this subject, as I was, or if you’re currently facing these circumstances, this blog is for you! I’m stunned that bullying continues past childhood, but apparently it is a serious problem in the workplace. It’s time to stand up and say enough is enough!
Many times it’s the workplace, and not the people: According to one article that addresses woman-on-woman bullying “Workplace environment factors are better predictors than gender. For example, a culture that carries no accountability or negative consequences, regardless of how harmful the behavior exhibited paves the way for bullies. A place where kissing-up (ingratiation) is the norm is fertile territory, where bullying and favoritism (and its converse, ostracism) thrive.”
Double standards for women: We are all aware of the misconception that a woman’s “niceness” can be misconstrued for weakness, and her strength for “bitchiness”. This can play in the hands of any bully. If you’re someone who is known to be nice, and people tend to take advantage of it, you can’t let them. You can still keep a clam voice and let your bully know their behavior will not be tolerated. Standing up to a bully many times puts them in their place and ensures they don’t repeat their behavior. On the other hand, If you’re someone who is strong (like me) you need to be cognizant of the fact others not as strong may see your ability to negotiate as coercion, and browbeating. Be persuasive and not self righteous.
Women make good targets because they rarely report it: This is not to say women are weak. It’s in part because most women will turn inwards when there is a problem. “What did I do wrong?”, “What can I do differently to make this stop?” Where as most men have no issues seeing the situation as someone else's fault or problem and taking the appropriate action. I’m all for looking inward to see if one is more the problem and not the solution. But there comes a point when you have to say “There’s nothing more I can do to make the situation right or go away, therefore I have to reach out to someone else who can help me make it better.”
Most bullies are bosses: It is believed that 72% of all bullies are bosses! Many times bosses have an unrealistic sense of self or means for getting things done. It’s also easier to bully those within reach, and that is the case for many subordinates. Use caution if this is the case. It’s important to know the difference between a directive and being bullied. If you’re unsure, talk to your HR representative.
I’m all for having thick skin and letting some jokes and gestures go by without paying them too much attention. It takes a lot to make me mad or motivate me to act. However, if you are truly offended by the remarks or actions of others toward you, you have the right to act. If you can, make the person offending you aware of their action. He or she may not even be aware they offended you. If that doesn’t work, or the issues are more serious (sexual harassment, etc...) contact your Human Resources or Legal department immediately. You should never condone or tolerate bad behavior.
